Being the Beloved - A Monthly Blog from CFDM Northwest
By Lisa Alteio, Assistant Director, Spiritual Direction Program
Several years ago we took our girls to Disneyland for the first time. That afternoon, while riding the Alice in Wonderland ride, we were winding our way through the garden and passed playing cards that were frantically painting white roses red. Around the next turn, we encountered the Queen of Hearts and it made sense why they were doing so. They had been anticipating the fury of the Queen, who was sure to hand down the judgement “off with their heads” when she discovered things not as she demanded them to be.
When I saw that screaming and angry image, a spontaneous prayer rose from deep in my heart , “Un-Queen me, Lord”. I encountered something true about a part of myself in that image. There were parts of me operating in a Queen of Hearts way. Missing the beauty of what was right in front of me because it wasn’t showing up in the way I thought it was supposed to or wanted it to be. I wondered if, like the playing cards, people in my life were working hard to meet those expectations out of fear of my displeasure or anger. I felt thankful for the gift of the image the Queen of Hearts had given me, though it was hard to see.
Later that month, still caring the image within me I shared it with my Spiritual Director. I told her about my experience and about the self-awareness it had brought. She held space for me to spend time in silence wondering what else this gift of an image might have to teach me.
In the quiet, I could see how parts of myself were relating to God as if God too were the Queen of Hearts. I was imagining God with one rigid way of doing things, and I was striving to please God through my works. If I veered off the path, there would be anger and judgment handed down… “off with her head”, resulting in a fearful and frantic way of creating in the world. I sensed God inviting me to leave my outdated and unhelpful image behind. I began asking God to show me how God desired to be with me, and I began to experience love and delight as God witnessed my joy in creating. I could relax, trusting I am made in God’s image and welcoming the invitation to participate with God in the world through my own personality, desires and joy.
I still carry the Queen of Hearts image with me. We have been in dialogue for seven years now. I continue to grow in self- and God-awareness through an image that presented itself to me for 10 seconds during my ordinary day. God is still using her to teach me things about myself, God and the world. I desire to be open and receptive to the images that present themselves to me over the course of my days, making space for them to work in me. I encourage my directees and now you to do the same.
I would love to know what images God has used in your life that have taught you about God and yourself.
What books, media, activities are nurturing your heart, soul, mind, strength in this season as we are loving God and our neighbor as ourselves? Post in the comments below or hop on over to our Facebook page and share with one another.