Being the Beloved:
stories of ongoing transformation in daily life
By Mark Cutshall
Allow me to share a memory of my later-in-life calling, the moment when God winked at all my training, self-assured insights, and hurried prayers within just a few minutes of welcoming a directee for the very first time.
It was ten years ago this month. The little church library where we would meet had more sofa chairs, more arms and legs, than a Macy’s showroom. Open the blinds. Turn on the heat. Check my soul. I then let out one, long breath prayer to a flickering tea candle, the wall clock, and Jesus.
My directee arrived and sat down. Immediately, I felt relieved. He was mindful, alert, and open--everything a young spiritual director like me hoped to become.
Opening pleasantries gave way to common connections. Gradually, his story and desire for God began to trickle out. The sofa chairs dissolved into my own interior. I began to feel an innate curiosity and intrigue for where this young man’s journey roamed, from hope to inner longings, loss, dead ends, and shame.
“Note to self,” I penciled in my mind: “Listen and keep listening--to him, with him and for him. Notice God present and strangely quiet.” The minutes crawled by, and the hour flew by. Over time, even though I made my own share of oops-la’s, a greater awareness of God self-emerged as we trusted the Holy Spirit’s mysterious, accompanying love.
While I’ve graduated from moving church furniture, I don’t expect to retire from practicing a few sacred habits:
I sit and pray in the chair reserved for my directee before he or she arrives.
When everything starts to pick up speed, I need to remember and honor the slow work of God and listen at the speed of a campfire.
I’ve learned to give myself the freedom to admit my ignorance and say, “You know, I’ve never thought of it like that. Something to ponder and pray about.”
Finally, I’ve found it helpful to offer directees time with a closing thought: “What is one thing you’ll take from our time and perhaps place in Jesus’ hands?”
Every Sunday, at the start of our Anglican liturgical worship, our parish prays aloud from the Book of Common Prayer this Collect for Purity, which begins, “Almighty God, to you all hearts are open, all desires known, and from you no secrets are hid. . ..
These words have become for me a well-worn touchstone for how spiritual direction dovetails with the interior design of Christ’s body, the Church: As we freely come home to the truth that our hearts are fully open to God, we begin to freely entrust our desires and the secrets to the One who never stops loving, directing and calling us to do the work uniquely given each of us to do.
Next to the love of his wife, Linda, grown children Ryan and Sarah, Mark Cutshall forever cherishes the soul genius of R&B legend Marvin Gaye, the gravitas of poet Theodore Roethke, the seeming on-ice impossibilities of the Detroit Red Wings' Pavel Datsuyk, and the ultimate maple bars at the Spudnut Shop in Richland, Washington.
What books, media, activities are nurturing your heart, soul, mind, strength in this season as we are loving God and our neighbor as ourselves? Post in the comments below or hop on over to our Facebook page and share with one another.