Being the Beloved:
stories of ongoing transformation in daily life
By Katrina Obata, CFDM Executive Director
It was a lovely Friday evening at the park with Meeka, my dog. On the walk back to the car, I noticed something on her paws. It was sticky pine sap--on all four paws! She wanted to remove it herself, but I could not let her. Licking and ingesting the sap, and the pebbles and twigs stuck in the sap, was not an option. I needed to help her, but how? She would not let me touch her paws.
The troublesome sap hardened like glue between her paw pads before I could get at it. Eventually I borrowed a muzzle from her veterinarian, then off we went to a do-it-yourself pet bathing station where an angel appeared—aka a groomer. She told me, “Peanut butter will get out the sap—not warm soapy water” (as I had previously been told).
Meeka was defensive and resisted. It saddened me to see her fear and anger. But I get it; I can feel the same way when tender places in me are encroached on by others.
Through tears, I responded to her aggression toward me with compassion. She began to relax (somewhat), and I was able to do the work.
I am currently experiencing God’s compassionate care for me in a tender place in my soul. Over the weekend, three different everyday-life circumstances happened. Each one reminded me of one thing—a profoundly painful loss that occurred roughly a decade ago. On my own, I would leave things as they are with an, “I’m fine.” Yet God invites me to something more than fine: Wholeness.
I have found God doesn’t muzzle me when I am defensive and mad. I am safe to resist, struggle, and revisit anger. There God meets my defensiveness with compassion, gentleness, and patience.
So, I asked God, “Why so much of this topic lately? Are you preparing me for something?”
My heart instantly received a response, “Because the hurt is still there and wants to be honored, tended, not stuck away.”
“Okay. I know I like to keep things ‘neat’ as if they are ‘resolved.’ Is grief ever resolved?” I asked. For that, my heart received no answer.
The tears I have shed lately reveal my grief. I’ve done much work in this “room of my soul” over the years; enough work to get out of it, move forward, and stay a safe distance from the door. But now, I am being invited to return, to be vulnerable, not “safe.” I feel God saying to me, “My Dear, the grief is better, but not resolved. You just took a much-needed break.”
I am grateful that God is with us and works for our healing through everyday circumstances (conversations, sudden memories, art). Love/God does not leave us when the “sap of life hardens between our paw pads,” does not leave us to take care of ourselves. When things are hard, messy, sticky, God has “peanut butter” and offers to soften and restore our soul.
Meeka wanted to be left alone to take care of herself but, like God, I love her too much to leave her on her own. God sees the hard, messy stuff that I have tucked away and loves me too much to leave me that way.
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Where might God be offering to soften and restore your soul from hurts sustained in the past? How are you being invited to move forward beyond “fine” into wholeness?
What books, media, activities are nurturing your heart, soul, mind, strength in this season as we are loving God and our neighbor as ourselves? Post in the comments below or hop on over to our Facebook page and share with one another.